Every Person in Our Life has a Purpose

Every Person in Our Life has a Purpose
Images courtesy of click, emilymccloy, tvirus20, and Jade from morguefile.com

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Rice: Not Good for Your Health!

Image: Imelenchon/morguefile.com
What? Rice not healthy? Not even brown rice?  Calm down, I'm not talking about that rice.  I'm referring to the kind as in Ray Rice.

I know this incident has been covered ad-naseum in the media lately, in fact the “Why-I-Stayed” Twitter hashtag has gone viral! I just can't help but add my comments here.

Ladies, here are a few startling statistics as provided on the Domestic Violence Statistics site:
  • A woman is assaulted or beaten every 9 seconds.
  • 1 in every 3 women around the world has experienced abuse.
  • Abuse is the leading cause of injury for women.
  • Every day at least 3 women are murdered by a significant man in their life.
There are very few people who do not know someone who has experienced abusive treatment.  It should be a serious concern to each of us, whether that person is our sister, daughter, friend, or co-worker....and especially, if it is you. 

The Rice video that has dominated the news cycle in the past few days is shocking, but gives us a chance to experience what it is like to be alone with an abuser.  Ray Rice waited until the elevator doors closed to cold-cock his girlfriend in the face ....and then drug her out of the elevator like she was a bag of bricks. This big, muscled hunk of a man couldn't even lift his petite girlfriend in his arms to carry her to their room.  He didn't even show any concern for her after his brutal actions.  In fact, in one frame he tries to move her slightly with a push of his foot!
Image: grietgriet/morguefile.com

Of course, many people are asking how any woman who was treated this way could marry her abuser afterward?  That is the Ten Million Dollar question for all women.  Why do we ever allow any form of abuse, whether it is verbal or physical? Lack of esteem? Family history? Trapped by finances? Small children? Whatever the reason, if you know a woman living with abuse, it's important to guide her to resources that can help her.  Make sure she has the National Domestic Violence Hotline below.  And just as important is not to judge; She has a heavy enough weight on her shoulders already. Instead, encourage her to get help and give her your support.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Resources for an abused woman:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
An Abuse, Rape & Domestic Violence Aid & Resource Collection site
The United States Department of Justice on Domestic Violence
Resources for Victims of Teen Violence

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


It's been raining cats and dogs, even mice and squirrels here in Phoenix!  It rained all last night and this morning roads and schools were closed down due to flooding all over the city.  The East Valley measured in at 5 inches of rain in a 10 hour period!

All this rain got me in the mood to listen to some "rain" songs. Like, "It Never Rains in Southern California", or "I've Got That Rainy Day feeling again.  But then I ran across "It's Raining Men" originally sung by the Weather Girls. I love this song and I think it's a perfect rainy day song for just us girls.

Get ready to get your boogie on!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Are Married People Happier and Healthier? Depends!

Image: Fidler Jan/morguefile.com
The once held belief that being married was as good for you as eating your vegetables, is not necessarily true. While marriage may be worthwhile for many reasons, being single isn't necessarily a good excuse to rack up more sick days at work.
Health and Marriage:
No one is arguing that forging a healthy relationship doesn't have obvious benefits. Nothing can change your life like falling in love, and few things will make optimism soar like planning a new life with that special someone. Yes, the world looks rosy when moving in together, buying a home, or having a first baby. And even if things don't go quite as planned, the theory is that married couples have each other to lean on when something goes awry. 

Married couples may feel less stress financially with a dual income and, if children are involved, having two partners to share chauffeuring the kids around makes scheduling easier. But, slipping that gold ring on your finger is not a magic bullet to staying healthy and happy!

We all know that marriage can lead to divorce, and research shows that a failing marriage can have detrimental effects on the couple's health during the breakup and ensuing legal turmoil.
Image: TheTaiChiClub/moguefile.com
How Life Choices Affect Happiness and Health:
No doubt, life goals and choices impact life satisfaction as much as having a partner or being married. The results of a 25-year German study of 60,000 participants, found that people who prioritize family goals over career and material items are happier and healthier. Personal choices that include church, exercise and social activities can have an impact on health. An obese woman may be less healthy and happy because of her weight than the fact that she doesn't have a husband. A single, work-a-holic who cuts back on his workload may see improvements in his health and happiness after striking better work-life balance. It would be unlikely for marriage alone to change the wellness factor of these individuals.

Health and Being Single:
Caroline Wilbert rates the health factor of singles and marrieds in her MSN article, "Married vs. Single: Health Gap Narrows." She references a study that claims there is a narrowing gap between married and single people regarding their health. Wilbert explains: 
Image: Puravida/morguefile.com

Never-Married Men are the Healthiest Singles Staying the most eligible, confirmed bachelor may have its rewards, as never-married men seem to be in the single group with the best health. This is partially due to the fact that it is more socially acceptable for a man to be single than it once was. Likewise, similar to women, a single, never-married guy has usually developed resources and a network of friends they can rely on. In a world filled with house cleaning  and laundry services, frozen or deli gourmet dinners, and the social media, the absence of a woman does not render a guy helpless or lonely.
Image: MarykBaird/morguefile.com

Widowed or Divorced Singles Experience Declining Health 
On the other side of the coin, singles who were once half of a couple, can find being single lonely and stressful.  Wilbert explains that the health of these individuals worsens over time, compared to their same-aged, married friends. Widows and widowers experienced the most dramatic declines.

Being Single is a Mixed Bag for Women - A single woman's health can be compromised due to both economic and social factors. If she can't afford the health care she needs, her well-being may suffer. The Center for American Progress website states that one-fourth of the women in the 18 to 29 age-bracket are uninsured, and represent nearly half of all unmarried, uninsured women.

Image: FidlerJan/morguefile.com

On the social side of things, in the past, a single woman was considered a second-rate citizen. An unmarried woman was depicted as an insatiable seductress not to be trusted around your husband, or a boring old maid.  Current movies often paint a picture of single women as desperate loonies, who would do anything for a man's affections! Even though these depictions don't fit reality, they may be to blame for the unconscious, negative perception a single woman might have of herself.
The Rutgers papers indicates, however, that a healthy, capable, and socially connected, independent woman has continued to emerge. Today a single woman is considered socially acceptable, even in our marriage dominant society, and some studies show she is often happier and healthier than her married counterpart is! 

The debate over health and marriage will continue to be studied, no doubt. But it is becoming clear that there is more to being healthy today than whether you have a little gold band on your finger. Whether you are married or single, the lifestyle choices you make, the company you keep, and the attitude you take about your marital status may affect your health the most!


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Did He Cheat on You Because She Was Prettier?

The other woman isn't alway prettier!
Image courtesy of Clarita/morguefile
When you love someone, the hardest thing to accept is infidelity.  While some relationships can survive and  be rebuilt, often the tryst is too much to handle.
If you are the person done wrong, you not only have to bear the heartache that ensues, but also deal with the insecurities that go along with it. It's hard not to wonder what she looked like, how old she was, what kind of body she has, etc.  All women tend to assume that the reason a man cheats is because she did something wrong or that she is no longer appealing.

Hold on to your assumptions, girlfriends, because sometimes a guy cheats with someone that gets jaws dropping because of how much LESS that person had to offer than you!  His cheating ways usually have nothing to do with you, but everything to do with him. 

Just read the tabloids and catch Entertainment Tonight for proof! Haven't you seen the women that some famous cheaters traded down for lately?  Think about it! Arnold and Maria.  Mutt Lange and Shania.  Did those guys cheat because the other woman was a better catch? Not necessarily....there may be other reasons....

Read this and tell me what you think?: Famous Cheaters Who Traded Down

What About Finding Love On TV? Can it work?

As hard as it is to find lasting love with someone who is compatible and meets your needs, can you imagine trying to do this while a million television viewers watch?

The Bachelor and Bachelorette shows on ABC are fun to watch, but can we really take them serious? I don't doubt that most of the participants are truly looking for love, but sometimes these shows take the "there's more fish in the sea" to the level of fishing in a fish tank.

What do you think? If you were ready to find love and had the opportunity to search for it on one of these TV shows, would you?  I'm thinking I might.  After all, those dates they go on are pretty amazing'!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Can an Early Bird and Night Owl Find Lasting Love?

Image courtesy of Wing-Chi Poon/Wikimedia Commons

If He Catches the Worm, Will She Give a Hoot?

There are all kinds of small things that can cause big problems for a relationship. Sharing similar interests and values are a must, but what about sleep patterns? Can an early bird guy accept his girlfriend's late night habits and vice versa?

Early Bird Mornings
Mornings are a different thing to early birds than they are to night owls. Any night owl who has fallen for an early riser can relate to the irritation of hearing their partner's morning activities while they are trying to catch a few extra Zs.

I'm a night owl myself and I've had two love relationships with morning larks. How well I remember pulling the covers over my head to muffle the sound of my ex brushing his teeth noisily as the sun was just coming up. (I never knew someone could spit so loudly!) Then just as I had fallen back asleep, I was startled awake to find him sitting there on my side of the bed, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Nothing was less sensual than looking into his fully awake, cheerful face, when I was tired and still half asleep!

According to The Scientific Fundamentalist blog in phychologytoday.com, the natural circadian rhythm for humans is to wake when the sun comes up and fall sleep shortly after dusk. A possible reason for this, they explain, is because humans don't have nocturnal vision, which in tribal times would have made them an easy target for predators. However, they tells us that humans have a choice in the matter and over time, can develop their own internal clock. In spite of this fact, a self-righteous early bird should not rush to judgment about their partner's lazy morning attitude. 

In fact,  evolutionary psychologist, Satoshi Kanazawa, points to a study of a large group of young people and their sleep habits, which revealed that night owls had higher IQs than their morning lark counterparts. Based on this study he concludes that, "more intelligent children grow up to be more nocturnal as adults than less intelligent children."

Take that worm, early bird! 

If an early bird wants to watch the sunrise each morning, that's great. But if he wants to continue a happy relationship with a lady who thinks the best thing to do at 6:00 A.M. is sleep, he'd best let her do just that! If he will learn how to quietly get out of bed, close the bedroom door before turning on the television in the living room, and be patient until his sweetie's big blue eyes open on their own, he will have a happier life.

Night Owl Nights
Night Owlette, it probably bothers you that your early bird guy can't seem to make it to the end of the movies you watch together, right? He might have done just fine when you started dating, but somewhere along the line, his ability to hang with you in the late evening has changed. Many nights as soon as you have settled down to relax with him, he contentedly nods off, and a vicious cycle between the two of you has begun. He falls asleep on your lap while you watch Jimmy Kimmel, and you bury your head in the covers the next morning while he whistles as he works.
But night owls, rather than getting upset over this, think of how irritating it is when he is cheerfully interrupting your morning shut eye. If you want to keep your guy awake in the evening, you might need to plan some stimulating activity, but accept the fact that he won't enjoy burning the midnight oil. When the two of you park it on the sofa on Friday night, be prepared that he might drift off hours before you do. Don't try to keep him awake, instead, look at the bright side. While he sleeps next to you, you gain control of the remote, you can read a few chapters of your book in peace, and you know he's not getting into trouble.

Night Owl and Early Birds: Don't Battle, Just Get Over It!
If everything else works in your relationship, there's no need to let the owl or lark in you ruin things. Develop an understanding between the two of you that your schedules will overlap, and agree that neither a night owl nor early bird is better or "right". If you respect each other, you'll find a way to work around conflicting body clocks, enjoying your private time alone, as well as the middle of the day together.